Bringing on Christmas

In the spirit of all things Christmas, Cab has been decorating today again. She got a pretty good start hauling everything out last night, but we both forgot how much we have accumulated over the years! Our favorite thing was the tall skinny tree we found on clearance at Home Depot last year after Christmas so it was still brand new in the box. She plopped an angel rag doll that was gifted to me several years ago atop it and she totally OWNS the tree! I really like the cranberry garland, the giant acorns, and the tiny multi-colored lights that play music and blink! We are thrilled with the results.
I now realize I should have started last year on December 26 and worked full time every day on all the things I now want to handcraft for everyone. Tablecloths, crib sheets, pillowcases, quilts, stockings, hats, table runners...how many can one woman create in just 23 days?
I am now asking Cab what her Christmas wish list is. 1-Dog 2-Dog 3-Dog, oh! #4-Dog! Unfortunately, a dog is not in my rental contract; in fact NO PETS is in my contract. Top three breeds: Bernese Mountain Dog, Border Collie, Austrailian Shepherd. We are watching 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' and she just exclaimed "See, even the grinch has a dog!". I think we need a farm with lots of space for running, a few sheep, a little brown cow for me, a piglet or two, maybe an alpaca, some cats, three goats (billy & nanny with kid), and a farmhouse with a wrap around porch. There is a great room for large family gatherings, a studio for me to create in, and a library for studies. On the porch a wrought-iron swing, and a swingset with playhouse for the babies. A rail and bowl for the skaters. There are fruit trees in the orchard and a greenhouse for my blomster man; bees with hives supply plenty of honey and pollinate our trees, flowers, and garden. This is my grown-up Christmas wish. Heaven.

Will the Real Boss please stand?

Surprise! I have a follower! (and she has me too, for always) Surprise #2: I hardly ever know what will appear when I begin writing. It's Friday thank goodness, perhaps some sleeping in this weekend will re-charge my batteries cause they sure feel like they're running low. Is there such a thing as SUPER-charging, or is it a myth? There are many different types of dietary/supplementary/exercise programs that are touted to create miracles, I have even tried a select few of them. The most recent one that came across my radar recommends dietary fish oil, calcium/magnesium/zinc supplements, and moderate daily exercise for women who desire a better sex life. Applied together, they increase levels of feel-good hormones and testosterone. The results I experienced when I subscribed to most dietary programs were usually less-than-hoped for; and here's what I suspect. Regardless of whatever physical regimen I am subscribing to, what energizes my batteries more than anything is my own emotional climate. Wrapped around me like Red Riding Hood's cloak is an ever-changing emotional field that seems to stand at the helm, directing and upholding all other systems. I believe we are all subject to our own private monarchy the majority of the time, ie, the spiritual, emotional, mental, or physical 'body' is dominant. Here's an illustration: 6:00 am. My Emotional Queen is trying to sleep in. Spirit Child is off somewhere in a magically different dream world, and King Mental is jiggling his feet trying to put on his socks and get rolling. Physical Lady-In-Waiting politely knocks on the door. "Go Away!" says EQ. But, alas, there is no way that this urgent matter can wait, so EQ allows physical to summon Spirit Child from her meanderings, rises to handle the physical urgency, and confers with KM with regard to today's events. Make no mistake, however. Emotional Queen will always demand responsibility and accountability from Physical, Spiritual, and Mental, for she is aware of their synergic state. If any are indolent they will all pay a price. She may even at times hand over the reins for a brief respite, but inevitably resumes sovereignty.

Sunday Morning Meditations

Sophmore English; the diminutive Mr. P announced to a classroom full of students that we would from that point forward keep a journal. We received guidelines pertaining to formatting and frequency, and each Friday they were collected for inspection. At the time I remember being filled with resistance, even indignation! Up to that point, I had had several stops and starts with journaling and somehow, just never connected with the spiritual aspect. How dare anyone attempt to force me to make public the innermost, private workings of my heart and mind? And so, journal I did, with all the commitment of water to oil, effectively withholding from myself the ripeness of possibilities that may have ensued.
Yesterday my sweet mother-in-law, age 85, was enjoying a tour of Park City with several friends. As they were making their way to enjoy lunch together, she miss-stepped and was unable to save herself from landing on the back of her head. Indomitable spirit that she is, she attempted to pick herself up, even as she bled from her ears. It is astonishing to me that our physical bodies are created bearing the duality of such strength/fragility. She was transported to a nearby facility where she is receiving treatment for the injuries she sustained. As I stood by her bedside, I felt impressed to direct my thoughts to the miracle that is she. She has experienced over 31,000 days on earth as a young woman, sister, teacher, wife, mother, aunt, business woman, hostess, traveler, planner, creator, volunteer, and friend. As she lay prone and vulnerable, it seemed as if she were off on yet another holiday, leaving us to wonder when she would choose to return, knowing that she most certainly would. I have no doubt that many prayers have been offered in her behalf for her full recovery, and that the faith of the ones who love her have a direct and profound effect on her outcome. We are at her side and at her service. We are her devotees, and she is our beloved.

"Ouch, Charley"

I hurt when I hurt. This is a characteristic of human nature that I recognized years ago upon observing the behavior of individuals as they struggled with terminal illness. At times they would attempt to blame others around them for their discomfort, or even the illness itself. The overused cliche' rears up to say "misery loves company!", and indeed, if we reach down deep enough to the source, grab it with both hands, dredge it up and throw it out, are we really that cognizant of the pain it causes others? Or are we desperately begging someone, anyone, to lift our burden if only for a moment? I found myself guilty of such behavior, and although I am not terminally ill, I discovered that uneasiness in any one of the pillars that hold us up can and do cause pain. Emotional and spiritual disconnect, financial setbacks, physical injuries or illnesses arrive at our door and stay like unwanted guests until we find the grace to master them, or they overtake us. So, I hurt and even though I remember the lessons my father taught me as he suffered the physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial strains of a terminal illness, I haven't the strength he had to accept it alone.

A New Day Dawning

Just Moments Ago on my return trek from bus duty it dawned on me once more how God in His infinite wisdom will hold up a mirror for us to gaze into in order for us to remember Him and know ourselves, if we care to see. To the east, the mountain above Corner Canyon was sparkling with wakefulness at it's base beneath its fluffy cloud cap obliterating the tip. The skies above a pallette of cool greys, bright blues, warm crimsons, all vying for their chance to reflect their mood. The air swirling about my head, warm pockets here, chilly ones there, still indecisive about it's true intent. "Wake Up! You've been sleeping overlong through the simple, indolent days in the sun. Exciting, new energy is taking shape!" appears to be my message, and so I relay it here in the blue of the mountains and sky surrounding me and the wisdom flame within me.
I have received a gift upon awaking, and that is today. I have sixteen hours and thirty two minutes remaining of it at this very moment. What I choose to experience today is: joy, clarity, beauty, inspiration, safety, connection, and love. I will create these by remembering to laugh, caring for my physical body, clearly stating my feelings and intentions, raising the bar for myself, being mindful of others, and noticing the world changing moment to moment. Today in America we will cast our vote for our future experience. Here's to a new day.

make-n-take

A quilting open house once had for all the attendees a make-n-take project. Isn't it perfect how quilting is so often and in so many ways a metaphor for life: it's alot about what we make of it, and a bit about what we take from it.
This morning when I woke up the first thought I had (after the ones that say: "Hey, it's morning. You're still alive! It's another day, it's probably time to get up! How're you feeling? Everything still intact? Yep. O.K. Get up now. (and moments later; RIGHT NOW, you got urgent business to tend to)"...anyhow, the 'next first' thought was "you are a writer. I AM a writer! Gotta get up and write!" See, for a long time now other people believed it, told me I should, even said I was good, but I didn't believe it in my own mind. Or heart, or spirit. The beautiful thing about this morning was I finally believed it! It's about time, thank you. So, now comes the fun and hard part. DOING it.
Today, I choose to speak in a deep, rich red because it is the color of our root chakra that connects us to our circle of family and friends and to earth. Earlier today, I envisioned the next child waiting to be born into our family and that it would be Caraline's and Kyle's. Tonight around dinnertime she called to announce a mid-July arrival. It still amazes me at times how magically one person can be tuned in to another person, and I say this based solely on my own experiences as a mother. Those small niggling feelings usually nail it, and when we question how, the only answer is "I just knew". She is so stoked! Which may be what is contributing to her exhaustion.
So, Christy, how do I get one of those cool little baby counters like you have on your blog?
As I look about the room, I feel that connected feeling to everything I see. I have received it, touched it, cared for it, placed it where it is. I am part of it. I have stewardship over it, and it matters to me. When it no longer serves my higher good, I will release it to where or whomever I feel inspired. And then, in the constant flow of the river of life other things will appear in their stead to serve their divine purpose. I love RED. Today I bought red Gala apples, a red pomegranate, and a ruby red grapefruit which I consumed with great gusto for lunch. I love my red cowboy boots purchased in the red earth of Utah's Kanab. My favorite handbag is a red italian leather (saddle)bag my mom gifted me with. How else would my hubby pick me out of a crowded hockey stadium? Favorite book: Red Webster's dictionary. More lovely red things: Red - my next door neighbor for 20 years, raspberries plucked from the vines just last week, red grapes, my old tomato pincushion from 7th grade home-ec., the handle of my silver teakettle, red rooibus from Africa, my sofa. Eco-red t-shirt, furry red slippers and my old-lady car (in dog years she's 70 so I forgive her creaks and groans; I think she needs a hip replacement). Cherry pie, lipstick, lingerie, and lacy valentines. Pink, being a diluted shade of red is also high on my list of loves, with the rose colored glasses I prefer to view the world through rating right up there with pink peonies in the garden and pink roses in my teacup.

November 2. It's Sunday evening, we gained an hour of sleep last night switching back from Mountain Daylight Time to Mountain Standard Time. I felt well rested this morning but a little groggy too. It has been a day for learning and stretching. In my heart and spirit it is a day for shaking things up even though in my head I do everything possible to avoid this sort of thing. Shake on Baby! It has been an entire month since I wrote anything here, and I am lamenting the things I wanted to say being lost. I left one home to return to my other one about six hours ago, and again, it was hard. It is hard missing my kids when I am on the mountain, and hard missing my husband when I am in the valley. We are doing the best we can with circumstances being what they are, but I feel that we are not growing together in ways I would like to. I do feel gratitude to be able to say that I am finding spaces betwixt the confusion and despair for hopes and dreams to form and foster renewed faith that all things happen for a reason and that there is divine order to life in it's many unveilings. Yesterday we were shopping for cookies for a Make-A-Wish Foundation fundraiser for one of the children's school club projects, and as fate would have it, there were not any of the sort of cookies to be had that we intended to find. Instead we wandered the acres of isles in the membership warehouse, searching every possible location (could they be in the bakery? with the snacks and crackers? perhaps someone inadvertently has tucked them into a cabinet next to the sofas! how about the cereal isle?) to no avail. Yesterday it was tiresome and frustrating, but tonight I realized the lesson for me was to search diligently for the things I hold dear and to leave no stone unturned.
October 31, Halloween! Last year on Halloween, a beautiful grandson was born to our family and I was invited to share the event along with his other set of grandparents. It was nothing short of a miracle to be present and witness his first breath of life and see him smile for the first time when less than 15 minutes old. I promise, it happened and has been happening regularly ever since. He is full of life and son-shine! The very same day, my husband suffered a significant heart attack and was treated at the very same hospital. Events occurred in such a way that the head of the cardiac unit happened to be close by en-route to speak at a funeral some distance away and was able to literally fly in, perform the required surgery on the blocked arteries within the recommended time frame to keep tissue damage minimal and save the day. And my husband. He has had a remarkable recovery, and whenever I feel his arms around me, or experience his wisdom, or his danish blue eyes, I feel gratitude for the marvels of technology and modern medicine, the skill of his doctor, the compassion of his nurses, and the grace of God for the "One More Day" that I keep getting to have. With him.

A collection of thoughts

Today I have alot on my mind, so here are a few of the subjects that have been coming up for me.
Trust: It keeps coming up like a little self-imposed sprinkle of pixie dust that gets in my nose and makes me sneeze. Feels good to release pressure but sure can have catastrophic results when the choice to trust or not to trust is the wrong one! Is constantly questioning people and circumstances merely a system of checks and balances to keep us on the right track in order to avoid the blindsided feeling of our trust being betrayed?
Moving On: Using the term wily-nily as is often the case makes me uncomfortable as it implies forward linear movement away from something undesirable. Does the 'mover' do their 'moving on' with little regard for those left behind who have not 'moved on' in the same direction?
Love: You're probably thinking "What?" So am I. Assuming that everything we already know about it is true (We are love, created by love, in order to be love) and knowing that when we feel it there is no denying it, why do we trip up so much trying to define it to ourselves and others? If we are just BE-ing love, can't everyone just tell? If they can't, is it about the loved or the lover? With all those rule books, therapists, and talk shows, shouldn't we all be experts?
Death: Only one thing to say about it today. When I am the creator of worlds, nobody dies.
We just move on.
Kids: Pandora's box. move on. JK! I love you ALL!
Travel: First an aside. I realized just now I am starting to sound like a Seinfeld re-run, and I am not now nor have I ever been that big a fan. OK, so one of my boys has a little itty-bitty sarcastic streak laced through his humerous, but always makes me laugh, so what's the harm?
Back to Travel: I LOVE it. Mostly because my travel companion the last 5 years has been my darling husband and he has a knack of seeing the best in all places, people, and circumstances. He reserves judgement, he observes everything, is afraid of nothing, and never gets lost. Except for once in Colorado. He lets me be the happy wanderer and says nothing when I haven't had an opportunity to 'freshen up'. He volunteers to carry my baggage (and believe me, there has been alot, but I am fast learning to travel light!) and I send buckets of admiration to whomever invented backpacks! Very recently we visited Europe, some pics are below, more to follow.
Television: I know we can do better.
And finally Thank You's: Thanks to all my family for raising the bar. I promise to always reach for it. Thank you Heather for the thoughts, prayers, and assistance in my work search. Thanks mom for my life. Thank you Christy for inspiring me to blog.
Thank you notes: It's a beautiful day. This morning on my daily constitutional the moon was up in the western sky, with a few stars still visible. It reminded me of all my friends. I know you are all out there but I just can't see you right now. I do know you are shining wherever you are!

Forgiveness

Several months ago as I was speaking to a friend about forgiveness I felt something inside of me shift and remembered something my spirit knew already. We (people) are all about forgiving others at whatever level necessary in order to free ourselves from the ties or hooks that they have in us as long as we haven't forgiven. In addition to that, do we really want to be sending negative thoughts about that person out? It has been proven to be damaging to their overall health (proven in an experiment and labeled as the voodoo effect), to our own health, and even that of others who just feel it (negative, low energy) when they're in our presence. But what I really got in touch with is how it is so important to remember who we are dealing with first and that is our self. Even forgiving myself is an ongoing process. I go through a day and make choices - some of which work and some of which don't. When I make a choice and experience painful results I hold myself accountable and responsible. Sometimes I keep the energy within me of "What was I thinking?!" "How could I have said/done something so (fill in the blank)?!" Then I am still asking the universe to send it around again for me to figure out whatever it was I was thinking, saying, or doing when I SHOULD have by all rights known better. Of course an opportunity will present itself in order for me to learn to make a different choice. Instead of setting that up so carefully, what if I just say something like "it is done and I forgive myself. I am now free from that cycle." Not sure, but perhaps it's the key to whole new experiences.

Car Theft

Date: Sept. 11, 2008
T'ime: Somewhere between the hours of 6:15 - 8:30 p.m.
Event: Snowy Mountain Research & Recovery "patrols" parking area of Art Space Apartments, looking for vehicles not displaying a permit to park. Spies my beautiful little red maxima innocently parked in my daughter's personal parking spot that she pays extra for and granted me permission to leave my car there (as I had already been in a 2 hour space on the street for 1 1/2 hours) whilst we went around the corner for chinese food. Without any warning to the lessor of said space, or checking with dispatch to alert the lessor of said space, they quickly as possible (before anyone has time to respond, thus cheating them out of their $240.00 fee to return the vehicle) hitch 'er up and off they go to a very dark and scary lot that is "protected" with loops of rusted barb wire atop an 8' metal fence next to the railroad tracks where we waited a full thirty minutes for an endlessly long train to pass by going slower than mud uphill in order to gain access only to wait another 20 minutes on a dead-end road with a sleeping child in the car for a driver to appear. The driver who is employed by the towing company accepted the fee, wrote out a receipt, and waited until we were preparing to drive off before remembering that there is a tenant discount of $20.00 that he returned and re-wrote our receipt. While we were happy to receive something back, it still came at a cost of $220.00 to reclaim MY vehicle from nothing more than theives who seek to profit rather than serve the public. As the driver explained: "If we wait for a call from someone whose space has been taken, 9 times out of ten by the time we get there, the car is gone. That is why we patrol." If Evergreen Management (property managers of Apartment Building) were seeking to protect the best interest of the tenants then would they not check with their tenants before they authorize vultures to swoop in for gain? Would they not install an entry gate with a code known only to tenants in order to keep unauthorized vehicles out of their lot? Would they not seek to work with and not against their tenants? Would they not seek to employ a host of other services desperately needed in order to maintain and keep their building and grounds safe, clean, and in good repair for their tenants? Although the driver disclaimed any of the fees going back to the property management company, why then allow a third party private company access to private property to enforce parking rules for tenants who have repeatedly requested that management cease and desist this practice? The city of Salt Lake only issues parking tickets for $15-20 and then gives drivers 10 days to pay. Who is looking the other way when owners of towing companies seem to have finagled a way to exploit and extort money from the public they should be serving? They tacked on a $48.00 fuel surcharge. The distance towed was under 4 miles. Who gives them the right to steal first your car, then your trust, then your means to survive?